Sunday, July 26, 2009

I was brought back to where I was by a loud howling noise. He was crying again. I looked away from the book and realized that I was not alone in the room. Sometimes there is just too much silence. Maa and sis equally busy with their books made perfect furniture - motionless and soundless. But he was crying and clearly of the three, I was the most distracted. "Ina" I called out my sister - no response. "INA WHY is HE crying?, can you please go take a look". I was too tired to move out of the bed, last night's three hours driving horror was still weighing me down. "I think he is getting a bath, he doesn't like water all over him", she moved back into reading. Hmmm the dog and his incessant cries were driving me mad, so I got up and went to investigate the matter. Karan Bhaiyya was bathing him. Dobby, the dog was distracted on seeing me and stopped whimpering for a few seconds, only to resume, this time looking hopefully at me to save him from the tenacities of Karan Bhaiyya. "Didi, bahut rota hai yeh" - bhaiyya tried to provide me with an explaination. I smiled "Hmm" and walked away.

Back in the room, both ladies were still glued to books, two fans moving sluggishly, as if in pain, a window overlooking a park right across the road, long curtains filtering the sunlight, making everything look gloomier - a stage set for a perfect sad movie. To everyone's discontent I broke the silence again, someone for a coffee? When I dont understand anything I drink coffee. I got two exhilarated responses "ammm", not knowing how to interpret these extremely meaningful answers, I went and made a coffee just for myself. Then I thought of writing something. Hence this piece. It was more out of horror of losing everything I possess. I was thinking that with time I seem to have lost everything that I once used to do - no dance, no painting, no poetry, no prose, no tennis, no volleyball, no music no nothing!!! Life is getting busier with more unimportant improtant things like job, like MBA, like networking - how i have come to hate this word!! But the best part is that unlike most of us, I have had the opportunity to spend some good time at home, with my folks, before brutalities of life hit me with full force :). And I thank God for that.

I am reminded of a few lines I had written some ages back, lemme see if I can make a worthy attempt at recalling them

Solemn in my heart
Somber in my eyes
These last moments of togetherness
Fearing the fall of night

And often in our silences
Under the shadows of our eyes
We exchange some glances
To reaffirm our ties

The time is flying by
And no one understands
The language it speaks
Or the game it plans

yet a comfort in the fear
A comfort in not knowing
There are some to share your silences
To let you fall and fight

To still hold you up
With nothing but a smile
With a warm touch or a glance
Making you feel worthwhile

...... I forget the concluding paragraphs, I had written this one when I was moving away from family to pursue higher professional goals and the same holds true, once again today.

8 comments:

iNsEcTiCiDe007 said...

Good one! I can 'see' the words that are running through your mind as u prepare to take "the next steps'! Trust me, the severance would be worth the future gains :-)

Ojas said...

"Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live" - Dorothy Thompson. I know this is easier said than done; but this is what I believe in :)

By the way, it took me a while to read your post, and now all I see is patterns in black and white. Please have a readable background/font, at least for old people like me.

Oh, and yes - you should write more often.

Harshal said...

u seemed to be getting too much of one thing.........enjoy till it lasts.....everything else can wait and seek its own time......:)

Anonymous said...

Read your blog thrice sorry four times.. I reiterate - its really amazing the way you put emotions in words ...

I understand what is going through your mind, but probably this is the time when you realize what a person means to you ..

Best of luck!!

Anonymous said...

"To still hold you up
With nothing but a smile
With a warm touch or a glance
Making you feel worthwhile..."

will hold u up with only smiles... with the warmest touch and with the glance that will make u feel like a princess....but plzzzzz

atleast fill the remaining lines...

Jyotsna said...

@ Ojas: Whats wrong with ur eyes? and age!!! Black and White looks classy :)

@Samar: Now thats a strange alias iNsEcTi... whatever. But thanks for reassurance, didn;t expect it coming from my jaani dushman :D

@Anon1: Thanks

@Anon2: I dont remember the lines, will try to create something new, but with poetry i often follow what wilde once said "This morning I took out a comma but this afternoon I put it back again"

Anonymous said...

ma'am...i agree black and white combo looks classy and elegant but its painful to read...its taxing on the eyes...i m a regular reader of ur blog but i dread reading ur blog wen i m a little down coz the appearance of the blog depresses me further...i m sure u r very creative and will come up with a look that is reader friendly..and btw i forgot to appreciate u for ur wonderful blog...please write often as i enjoy reading every bit of ur blog...thank u and all the best for ur studies at chicago univ....keep us posted about ur life s happenings at the university...bye

Jyotsna said...

@ Anon and Ojas: I guess, will now really have to change the feel and look of the blog. Appreciate the feedback, something new shall soon come up.

Thanks